Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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