Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
