i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
