PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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