she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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