It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
