goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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