it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
