I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
