dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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