there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
