She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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