He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
