I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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