he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
