Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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