I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
