It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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