It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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