About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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