i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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