Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
