I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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