You work out of a Hotel?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
