everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
