I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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