yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
