I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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