If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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