Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.