I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?