that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.