Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
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Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize