I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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