I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
