i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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