Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize