honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
