Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
