she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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