I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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