Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
