You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
