I should be sponsored by Trojan
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
