put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
