Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
