I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
