He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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