Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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