Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just cut my nipple shaving
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
