omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
