You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
