i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
