Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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