the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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