I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
