i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
