I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
