This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
