I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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