I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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