she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
