How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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