I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
