seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
