if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
