I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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