So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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