3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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