A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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