i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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