life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
