we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
