i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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