OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
