and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Too much gin, very little bucket
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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