So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
