Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
