I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
