He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
