Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize