I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
