So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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