By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
