This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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