You don't have asthma, your pregnant
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
